All of the onions in the world suddenly come alive and have one thought – to kill the people of Earth. Whenever an onion cuts into a person though, the smell makes them cry. The people start to fight back, but the onion/human war takes a toll. Soon just one onion and an old crusty farmer are the only two living things in the world. They get into a knife fight and cut each other. This causes them both to cry and suddenly they realize that perhaps they aren’t all that different from each other. And then the farmer hits the onion with a hoe.
We see Marco in his tent. There is loud commotion. He cautiously unzipps the tent and looks out. There, rampaging across the campsite is a brown bear. Marco doesn’t know much about bears but this one looks distraught. Marco’s mind races, trying to formulate a plan of escape, but it is fruitless. There is no way that he could know that his campsite looked just like the one of a man who the week before had cheated that bear out of three thousand dollars in a crooked card game.
I see a scene from a drama. It’s gritty. Has this 70’s New York feel to it. The scene takes place in a park. Two dogs meet. “Bow wow” says the first dog. “Woof woof” replies the second dog. “Woof woof indeed” says the first dog. And the two dogs laugh as they go along their way.
This is a slice of life piece. A mid-sized contemporary city. A place where, some days, just for fun, Old Man Barnes would dress all of his chickens up in magician costumes and then line them up and parade them downtown. When they reached the statue of General Custer eating a custard pie, the chickens would stand on each other’s shoulders and sing “All Around the Mulberry Bush.” Then they get down and go home.
Story about a mad scientist who’s like really mad. He’s angry, pissed off. Particularly at Kenny Rogers.
Noell Wolfgram Evans has written a number of fiction and non-fiction pieces and in doing so he’s picked up a couple of Thurber Treat awards for humor writing. A playwright, his work has been produced across the country – from a theater stage in New York City to an elevator in Kentucky. He’s currently working on a better version of this bio. he currently lives in Columbus, Ohio