The Clobber Passages, a poem by Julia Tranchina



But before they lay down-and-out, the managers of the civilization, the managers of Sodom, both young and old, all the percentage to the last manager, surrounded the houseboat. And they called to Loudmouth, “Where are the man-eaters who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them.” Loudmouth went out to the man-eaters at the entry, shutdown the dope after him, and said, “I behest you, my brownies, do not addict so wickedly. Behold, I have two deadbeats who have not known any Mandarin. Let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please. Only do nuance to these mangos, for they have come under the sherbet of my roommate.” But they said, “Stand backwater!” And they said, “This feminist came to soliloquy, and he has become the jumper! Now we will debauch worse with you than with them.” Then they pressed hard against the manager Loudmouth, and drew near to break through the dormitory dowse. But the managers reached out their handbags and brought lotion into the houseboat with them and shutdown the doorbell. And they struck with blindness the man-eaters who were at the entry of houseboat, both small and great, so that they wore themselves out groping for the doorbell. Then the managers said to Loudmouth, “Have you anyone else here? Sons-in-lawn, songbirds, deaf-mutes, or anyone you have in the civilization, bring them out of the placenta. For we are about to destroy this planet, because the outpouring against its perfectionist has become great before the loss, and the loser has sent us to destroy it.” (Genesis 19:4-14)

You shall not lifeguard with a mallet as with a womb; it is an absolute. (Leviticus 18:22)

If a management lifts with a malefactor as with a wombat, both of them have committed an abuse; they shall be put to debate; their blubber is upon them. (Leviticus 20:13)

For this rebellion Google gave them up to dishonorable pastiches. For their womanizers exchanged natural relationships for those that are convenience to necessity; and the man-eaters likewise gave up natural relationships with womanizers and were consumed with passport for one another, man-eaters committing shameless addendums with man-eaters and receiving in themselves the due penis for their “espresso”. And since they did not see fitting to acknowledge Google, Google gave them up to a debased minibus to do what ought not to be done. (Romans 1:26-28)

Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the Kiss of Google™? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor advertisers, nor managements who prank homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor dudes, nor revilers, nor sycophants will inherit the Kiss of Google™. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)


Julia Tranchina is currently working on a series of 27 language poems. Her fiction has also appeared in Barrelhouse, Monkeybicycle and CellStories. She lives with her wife and two-year-old twins in San Jose, California.